I Feel Good Ta da dada dada da!!!

I've seen bits and peices of the movie 'Lust For Life', loving Kirk Douglas more and more every time i caught a glimpse of it. Come to think of it I cannot think of someone more suited to play Vincent Van Gogh than Kirk Douglas.

I often wonder what was it that Van Gogh went through to end his life. He probably committed suicide by lack of recognition for his genius. (Two months after his treatment he shot himself "for the good of all.")

During his brief career he had sold one painting. His finest works were produced in less than three years in a technique that grew more and more impassioned in brushstroke, in symbolic and intense color, in surface tension, and in the movement and vibration of form and line.

One cannot think of words like Impressionism, Expressionism, Abstract Expressionism without thinking of Van Gogh. His inimitable fusion of form and content is powerful; dramatic, lyrically rhythmic, imaginative, and emotional, for the artist was completely absorbed in the effort to explain either his struggle against madness or his comprehension of the spiritual essence of man and nature.

When i first heard about the life of Van Gogh (probably in third grade) I wept and wished if anyone could have been there to understand him probably then he wouldn't be so miserable. Few years later I realised he was not miserable at all, he did have that someone to understand him and take care, his younger brother Theodorus, who religeously and selfessly provided support in every possible way. I believe Vincent lived a very lucky life, it is Theo who lived an unfortunate life (comparing the two), worrying his entire life about Vincent so much so that just after 6 months of Vincents suicide he died.

Today,

Vincent Van Gogh has his paintings sold for millions of dollars. Has Kirk Douglas enacting him in LFL. Has Don McLean singing the ballad Vincent - Starry Starry Night (which was recently covered by Josh Groban). Has Einojuhani Rautavaara composing an opera called Vincent (from which later some themes were used in the 6th synphony - Vincentiana). Has Martin Scorsese playing his role in a Japanese flick called Yume(Dreams) directed by Akira Kurosawa. (And lot of oher things which I'm not aware of)

Theodorus Van Gogh has the pleasure of being burried next to his beloved brother Vincent Van Gogh.

No wait I'm here to talk about the Big Red Bus.

I cannot understand the rules of travelling in a bus. Earlier this afternoon I was going to travel by the bus and so was hoping they would be empty. But NO. Anyway I got to sit halfway and was sitting on the "ladies Seat". And there enters this really old gentleman (who could barely stand). I offered him my seat and he thankfully accepted. Then enters this fat lady with a very annoying voice who starts fighting with the old fellow and demands him to vacate the seat. Seeing this I come to his rescue and land up arguing witht the fat lady. All this while the "Hunks" stitting on the 'Senior Citizen Seat' act as if they are deaf. Finally one of them gets off the bus and the old man sits on the senior citizen seat and the fat lady sits on the ladies seat and I get off the bus after the next stop.

In the end, the old fellow was happy, the fat lady was happy and I was crankier than ever.

Yes that's what i called her. Desire. Every chick in the neighborhood desired her. Every Chick in school envied me for having her. She was a gift from Dad and Mum in fifth grade. She was my loyal companion ever since. She was my best friend who i actually spoke to about everything. She was Street Cat, the coolest bike (pedal bike) I've ever owed.

Anyway i remembred her recently when i was thinking back of the old days when i used to ride her to school. I miss you Desire (Street Cat). These days i travel by eevry possible means of public transport i guess. I take a rick to the station followed by a train then share a cab to work. On my way back I take a bus to the station followed by a train and then a rick to get home again.

WOOOOOOOOOF.......

Life's tough and I'm loving every bit of it.

If anyone can sing along with Phil Collins And really mean it while singing this song it would definately have to be me. I've never regretted it as much as i did last night.

I so wish if i could....

But I can't dance, I can't talk.
The only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can't dance, I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling

And checking everything is in place
You never know who's looking on
A perfect body with a perfect face

Homer Simpson : "I am never going to read any books. The last book i read was 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and it taught me nothing about killing mockingbirds. It did teach me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin; but what good does that do to me."

I ran to the back of the bus, claimed myself a window seat and decided to do exactly what one does when they get a window seat – Sleep (This was at some arbit hour in the morning, was too sleepy to remember). I knew it was a long ride all the way to Baroda. I was fast asleep, though for some reason I was hearing my bro. yelling my name in my sleep. It became louder by the second, which was weird because I just was too certain that I was not going to miss him at all and here I was hearing him crying out my name. A hard whack on my stomach from Jinni woke me up. “Look behind”, she said and so I did only to find my dear mom following the bus and my bro. straining his lungs out (while he's popping out of the window). I could just see the twinkle in his eyes (Yes from so far away) for the pleasure of having the whole room to himself.

Coach was a nice man, Partial but nice. I was called Koala, because of the jumper I used to wear (which maa got me from her ever so famous trip to Australia) unlike the garb I was wearing today… Purple… yes Purple spandex shorts and my favorite grey ‘Ile Maurice’ Tee (which by the way is used as a mop these days). Coach was nice to me and extra nice to Jinni (Anyway that is a different story all together).

We were to stay in a convent affiliated with the Insti. We reached around early afternoon, grabbed some lunch and ran towards the rink for the non stop six-hour race. I was hoping to bump into this guy who had moved into the hostel of this school, but I realized it was holiday time there as well:(. All hopes of me even catching a glimpse of him died. I became sad, but not for long. For the first time in my life I had won something in the lottery (cool Slazenger bag, which I still treasure. I finally landed up using it for my trek at Nilshi some 2 months back).

Lot of people decided against actually skating for six hours because we had a big race the next day. After all it was the State Championships we were talking about. But I as usual didn’t bother about that. I had just been skating for two months or so and to expect a medal in State Championship was just plain foolish but I was still expecting it (Talk About big dreams... Within a week of me starting skating I took part in the District races and failed terribly) nevertheless I was going to enjoy every second of being on that rink.

The next day people rested the whole day which annoyed coach a lot because no one turned up for warm ups in the morning (Just FYI, I did and so did some guy) I was very excited for the day ahead. I have no recollection of what happened the rest of the day. After a nice motivating speech from coach in the late afternoon we headed towards the rink where the race was. And the rains just have to show up at some unwanted hour, but they stopped after a while (Thank Goodness). Weird looking machines were trying to dry out the rink.

Somehow I had to kill time. My friends were busy socializing with “Hunks” from out of town (I wasn’t too impressed by them as my interest at this point was this National Champ (who had just returned from some Asian games and who would later mark laps for my race) who no one could match up with). I had to find other ways to amuse myself. I was sitting next to a little kid who was trying to fasten his skates buckle without any luck (they are the cutest pair of skates I have seen till date). Few minutes later the little kid was my best friend who told me everything he could in a few minutes from his teachers name to his pet’s allergy.

Finally the whistle blew signaling all the racers to have a warm up round in the main rink (So as to get the feel of the rink). Just as it blew skaters gathered just like a swamp of bees and raced. It felt great; I could actually keep up with them champs (even though I could keep up only for a few seconds, It Still Felt GREAT). Two minutes of bliss ended and the bees cleared out the rink as quickly as they had occupied it.

I had trained very hard for this race. But it was nothing compared to how hard I thought others had trained. There were two races: 10 laps and 15 laps. Because of the rains they made it 8 laps and 10 laps. Now any chance of me winning a medal was in the 15 laps race because my stamina was the best amongst all of us (better than some of the guys also). All hopes of winning a medal washed away with the rains (literally!!!!!).

What happened in the next few hours was quite unbelievable. It felt just like a scene recreated from some of Hollywood flick(Rookie Of The Year is the only one I can remember as of now). The race hadn’t even begun yet and I was feeling so charged up already. The first race was the 8 lap race. I could actually feel the excitement… but I also felt numb. I wanted to stop time just to figure out what I was feeling. It was a strange feeling which I had felt earlier (still can’t put it into words). I was there to have fun and god damn it this was fun at its best. Plus I was looking forward to the ice cream given complimentary to all the racers which they could claim after their race.

The whistle blew and race had begun. I leaped and claimed the lead (to keep it up was the difficult part for me). Soon I was second…. Third….. (But close) I refused to let anyone pass me then on. Soon it was 4th lap and I was fourth… (You can do it) … 6th lap and I overtook and took the third position (you can make it)... 7th lap… still third… (Just keep it up women, don’t ruin it now, you can so do it). And it was over…. I stood third. I won the bronze medal at the State championships. Wowie Kazowie is all I was thinking (Yes I was a very weird kid). I forgot all about the Ice cream (which was a shocker, because nothing could make me forget ice cream or food… unless it was music at that point of time)

Everyone was shocked. I was shocked.

Some people backed out of the second race because of the competition (Jinni being one of them. She was a better skater than me without a doubt). I guess I was more of a miser than a coward and so I was racing for the second race as well. It was as shocking and exciting as the earlier one. In the one of the laps I somehow managed to gain second position and maintained it. I won a silver medal in that race beating a friend who couldn’t digest the fact that I had beaten her. I saw her cry and man i felt so bad (Honestly), so much so that i wished i hadn't won.

Forget winning a medal people now couldn't believe I had won against that babe. I couldn't believe I had won against her.

I don't know if I will live that moment ever again but I am glad I did live it once.

If this was the summer of 1970 then i would've had a lovely ambition. I would want to have been born in Seattle, to be black, to be Jimi Hendrix. I want a burst of afro ablaze in a bank of stage lights, to own a corona of genius. I ache in bed listening to "Purple Haze" over and over again; next night its "All Along The Watchtower." I want to be one of the chosen, one of the possessed. To soak a guitar in lighter fluid, burn baby burn, to smash it to bits to the howl of thousands. I want to be a crazy man like Jimi Hendrix.

This was found in my journal dated to the time when i was in 6th grade. I doubt if i was cool enough to write it on my own. But after hearing how wacky i was as a kid i wouldn't be surprised if i wrote it myself.